Newport Beach Practices Zen Divorce 

Marriage isn’t what it used to be.

And neither is divorce. 

Divorce nowadays is more mainstream and less taboo. But the image most people still have in their minds when it comes to the process of divorce is one that is riddled with suffering. 

An oft-repeated mantra and teaching of Budda is that at the root of all suffering is attachment. The same can be said about divorce. An unhappy marriage and its struggle is a manifestation of each individual’s clinging to their own desires along with their aversions to the other person’s actions and characteristics. 

Buddhist monks spend their lives studying and practicing nonviolence and compassion toward all. While most Buddhist monks and nuns are expected to practice celibacy and abstinence from marriage, the philosophy of Buddhism can offer a refreshing outlook when it comes to navigating divorce. Taking vows of chastity can help one to fully devote themselves to monastic living without the distraction and turmoil of romantic relationships. Rather than seeking to fulfill their desires, the spiritual goal of Buddhism is to be free of desire and achieve enlightenment.

Generally speaking, a divorce becomes rather hostile and contentious instead of collaborative and harmonious when one party focuses on dominating the other. This adversarial approach seems to go against the values of non-violence and non-attachment—in fact, an aggressive approach tends to inflict violence onto the other party through attachment to their preferred division of assets or custody. 

A solution to this may be divorce mediation, which is often seen as a more compassionate and amicable alternative to divorce litigation. Cooperation is encouraged through a series of communications and negotiations facilitated by a neutral third party in the privacy of a mediation office. The benefits of divorce mediation can be found here. Some may say that the goal of mediation is for both spouses to be liberated from the marriage in a mutually agreeable settlement, rather than for one spouse to “win” by receiving more of their desires in the settlement, leaving the other to “lose” by receiving less. Mediation may promote empathy during the legal separation process and even help couples maintain amicably post-separation. This is especially valuable where custody of children is shared and co-parenting will become the new family dynamic. 

Mediation is often faster than litigation and therefore more cost-effective. Facilitated in the privacy of an office, without leaving the decision up to a jury or judge, mediation can help families of all income levels avoid hefty legal fees. 

Whether it’s in matters of love or war, it is easy and tempting to allow emotions to cloud judgment. It may always be tempting to give into one’s basic instincts and desires, even if the consequences of doing so involve hurting someone you once loved. It can be difficult to be the bigger person or see the bigger picture while embroiled in a standoff.

Mediation isn’t about one party winning and the other losing. Mediation is designed to create a win-win for everyone involved. 

Many couples in Newport Beach have divorced in peace, leaving raving reviews for the offices of McNamee Mediations. If you are seeking divorce mediation services, you can give them a call today.

McNamee Mediations
4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660